Tuesday, July 26, 2011
This should have been the cover of my first then non-fiction piece more than a work of fiction but I procrastinated fell into disbelief the worst thing one can do when dealing with the lord and He dealing with you. Almost died out there in that wilderness; now I have to due diligence and make up for all the wasted time. I began this blog back in 08 right b4 the start of the financial crisis i.e. brink of the great tribulation was officially declared. i stunted my own growth getting weary in well doing. things that were happening back then was things like me always trying to have enough gas momney totake the neigborhood children to the summer luch program and this bread mininstry gig the Lord blessed me to see if I could handle being faithful in a few things and by the grace of God interesting enough I was faithful in that much. Praise the Lord and glory to God. but iwas gradding all the way through it more like limping like Jacob. But that was b4 keeping daddy happened to me but there were still wars and rumors of war. But now looking back that stuff was child's play for what was to come cause now the lord has promoted me from being amere bread runner to an extreme caregiver. Which calls for an entire new interface. News at 11.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Redeeming the time
Redeem the time. The Word of the Lord that yearned from my spirit this morning as I concluded in prayer making an attempt to command the morning. Redeem the time for the days are increasingly evil. I believe this verse of scripture is found in the book of Ephesians in the New Testament of the Holy Bible. (Got to distinguish which Holy Book I'm referring to seeing how everyone wants to write their own Bible these days but I am not saying no names.)
Yea, and isn't it the truth?
Despite how and what I'm feeling I have to be getting on with this ministry thing if I am ever going to prove that which is the perfect and acceptable will of God for my life. I am always in constant thought about the how. I don't know... probably has to do with all that researching the literary community and reasoning amongst myself... conversations I had in my own mind. All the cliff notes of advice in my Writer's Digest and what not. Thank God my salvation is not dependant upon the critics validation of me.
I've concluded that stuff only adds to my mounting anxities which if I have any at all and I know I do that I am already in complete violation of the word of God. In that, as a very good friend used to say to me, anxities are a gate way to worry and stagnation and ultimately discouragement which can become like a form of bondage no less a heavy wieght like a yoke. While your plotting and scheming leaning upon your own understanding of how you are going to make a way out of no way, time is a wasting. That said, anyone that prays as much as I do should have enough power and authority through Christ to cast any and all vain imaginings down to hell where they originate from in the first place. I should know better than to put my confidence in man and forget about pleasing this world. Cursed sin nature will have you in a selfish way if you are not careful to decern it by way of the Holy Spirit. After all, I have to keep reminding myself, it's not really about me more than it is about the message I have to share.
I have enough inspiration right before my very eyes with all the journaling I've been doing since and even before I knew I was called. Hence, it is journey. (Inspiration leads to encouragement and encouragement leads to motivation and motivation leads to action.) So much it can be unnerving to say the least in trying to piece it all together. Honestly, it's like a huge jigsaw puzzle. But my God I have to try else every word He ever channeled through my being is in vain and I refuse to be cut off and cast into the fire for not producing good fruit that shall remain. I refuse to be the chaf left on the His threshing floor. I simply refuse. I can't be as the five foolish virgins. That is a fate I desire no less than a hole in my head if you get my drift. Yes, I am a tormented soul. His truth is like fire shut up in my bones. It has set me apart from the rest. And according to the word of God I suppose that makes me amongst the Elect. And that is great news in itself but the territory that comes with it is heavily charged with spiritual warfare. I feel like a woman in her third trimester and those gastly Braxton Hicks contractions are taking their toll. They are thunderous. I may just birth this baby right here and now or at least make a good attempt but even in that something tells me that this is not going to be just one setting.
Grammatically correct or not of the many scribbled sayings, affirmations, quotes of scriptures, ideas and concepts of visionary proportion. Jesus, sometime I would simply like to write a one liner and be done with it but this is not a post card. Reagrdless, even if it were it never comes out that way. I'm that person that always has to etch out a space for the darn stamp. My God, all the times I'm come forth for alter call and had the pastors and the elders lay hands on me I believe and it is quite evident that I got the impartation alright. I think it's safe to say he stirred up the gifts.
I could start off with many entry points like Psalm 91, the entire chapter really how the word of God perpetually evolves right before my eyes and how this very passage ignited by faith lead me to experience my very own personal exodus. However the Word of God is not intended to be digested all at once. True to it's form it's devout, straight and uncut which makes it a volitale substance in itself. Like the scripture of verse goes, you can't put new wine in old wine skins.( & how) In that, how the Lord rescued me from the snare of the fowler as recently as last week even i.e. something about a buy here pay here car lot that ended up being a front for a den of theives. Talk about Ali Baba and the 40 thieves . If I said it once, I said it a thousand times. Yes, this is the wilderness of my lifetime. Thankfully though, it is just a necessary evil for there is much evil that surrounds me all of us for that matter. Snares and traps and spiritual land mines that we all have to stear clear of much less endure for the sake of reaching our promised land; Believers in Christ Jesus that is.
Right after my coming out of the eye of the needle. I didn't know it back then how much it had effected me. I still had all my hair and knew how to wear a mean power suit and strut in some mean power heels. To the average on-looker, I still was a looker. I cleaned up pretty good. Nevertheless, I had yet to recognize my limp and come to the realization that I was broken. In my mind I was like, okay, that is over with speaking in the natural referring to the foreclosure. As horrific and terrifying as it was, I still made a conscience effort to maintain both my sanity and my composure. Obliviant and/or in complete denial maybe a mixture of both about my invisibility.
The only thing that spurred me forth in that season was the vision God gave me, "Can I Wash Ur Feet Please." It haunted me. The very image and saying. How it came about is an entire other facet to the story. Try two years of straight Bible Study every Wednesday night without failure. The things I learned about the Jesus Christ and the workings of the word of God. It really is alive and it gets into you starts to rearrange you your thinking patterns get all shifted and you just don't think the way you used to any more. And if you are truly going to believe it and do embrace it. Well... that's the stuff being born again is all about.
The Lord kept sending minstering spirits all around me, in my sleep and in my being awake I was completely consumed, obsessed and wrapped up in this vision of complete serivtude, restoration, fantasies of heroism and total submission. Surrender was my portion in that season. He kept giving me the beginning and the ending. Just enough to keep my spirits high and my interest peaked. I stayed in a steady stream of prayer always talking about the goodness of the Lord and what He was showing me. I had no shame. But I had yet to recognize my limp. Of course again i'm talking about after the needle and wrestling with that angel all night. Of course my night was like two years long. I'll elaborate as I go along with it. Back then as I was saying I had no idea on how much I was affected. And thought okay let's get on with it and just started out simply writing everything down. Not really understanding the depth of worship that I had entered into. How when we literally pray the word of God essentially what we are doing is making a declaration and releasing it into the universe and speaking it forth in Jesus name. Well.. that coupled with faith gives it the power to perform that which your heart desires. And even in that, there is somehting more the dynamics of what goes pn in your heart what He starts to deal with you in rectifying your issue of life the reason why you prayed to Him in the fisrt place.
There is a scripture found in the new Testament of our Holy Bible recorded in the book of John and it goes like this, " In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." And what I am aiming at here is trying to explain that when we pray to the Lord and pray in His language which is His word then those things which we utter automatically have power in resonance with the universe because the Universe knows the voice and commands of the One who created it. this is why we say to god be all the Glory.
Then there is the faith factor. The key to believing all these things that you pray and his Word. Faith is the very key to the ignition of the word of God and it's echoing though the universe.
There is another passage of scripture found in the Old Testament of the HOLY BIBLE recorded by divine inspiration of the Prophet Isaiah that says, "So shall My Word be that goes forth from my mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11.
(The contents of these scriptures are profound and most relevant for today and these end times. Because we are living in the age of the dawning of the Aquarious where man kind is worshipping the creation and not the Creator Himself who created all of existence. Any and everything that there ever was and shall be. There is popular new age literature being distributed through out the world decieving people into believing that they are the standard, that they can call things into being and tell the elements to be still in their own strength and that they are righteous without aide of a savior.)
( There is an old spiritual hymn that says there is power in the blood of Jesus and how there really is power in the blood of Jesus. Okay right around here this thing is getting to be very heavy spiritual wise. Just writing this much I am overwhelmed completely enraptured in this understanding that is peaking in my being. Jesus Christ he is real and alive and lives in the hearts of man but only if we let him in. Should we do so it is the only way that the Lord's Will shall and will be done carried out to completion on this Earth.)
Heart Notes: Not to be dramatic but it is kind of hard not to when you have touched the hymm of his garment. Any how, things in the ( ) are impromtu thoughts of understanding that spill forth in the composition and revision of this testimony.
How I had to respect the process of what it is to record a testimony. And I guess that is why it has taken this long to calm down and truly embrace what I'm talking about. The words I say are so heavy. Explains why everything is happening the way they are happening. You would think I would learn to keep my big mouth shut and perhaps I would experience less attacks. But then that would mean that I would have to live in a state of fear and that would be ungodly and only lead to fretting more evil as the Word of God does say as well. My God, I'm endeavoring to be a literal conduit of God's mercy. That is where I see myself in all of this and pursuing my purpose being fulfilled. Which is in itself an entire other subject.
Trying to stay focused, at least for me I get this feeling of intimidation feeling in ept not worthy to carry such a seal. I'm not just starting any old thing and not to make light of any one else's vision. Not like mine is better than all the rest but hey, I'm an aspiring minstress already calling myself about to construct a house of praise to the Most High God of Heaven. Of the Universe even and it's got me scared stiff. Talk about fear and trembling.
I feel like Elijah when called himself hiding from the Lord the spirit of the Lord had to search Him out. it's just that there is so much to do that to just think about it all can be over whelming. But how can I say love Hime and not be obedient to His beckoning? Especially after all he has done for me. So much I can not tell it all. Whole thing makes me think of my father and the calling that was placed on His life. Now it has come to my discovery that... pause...see...(tears stream) God help me. This is not easy. It's so hard... these steps that are ordered of me make me have such respect and reverence for Christ. It's like this having entered into this realm...the fellowship of His suffering...it is how do words express when one attempts to put on the whole mind of Christ to endeavor to enter into the Holies of Holies with a mind set to literally bring Heaven here on Earth? Every time I begin to do this any thing for the minstry the things that have to be done adminstrative wise, the mere registration of this here very thing. It just like the scripture says, except I abide in Him and he abide in me I can do nothing." this is a very real and profound truth in persuing the things of God intentionally.
I watch TBN all day long I can be laying there in my bed and turn the tv on.The first thing I think when I open my eyes is Jesus. Laid out in a larthargic like state my body completely without any kind of oomph you know like getty up. My mind it feels at times completely wiped. It's like this wildreness. I have discovered dwelling here in this dessert place the very place God brought to dry out if you will from Egypt to purge me of the vampirical tendencies and thirst for blood. How I used to be, a fledgling vampire only I was a half breed not like Blade in the movies. That is straight fiction because what I came to understand that in the literal sense that all vampire can walk by day. It is the light of the truth that they can't bear. It's all symbolic-
I was a half breed as to say already affected by the Word Of God. The seeds of the truth had been planted in me from a very young age.Even the crib I believe. My atmosphere being very heavily saturated laced with the Word of God. My father being an old school pentacostal Preacher man from the mid-west. And if any one ever knew who my father was in His hey day they would tell you this man was on fire for God. He gave his entire life to the Lord when he was very young only seventeen years of age. and that is not to say that He couldn't do anything else. He actually was studying to become a journalist and was attending the prestigious Howard University back in the day when black young people normally didn't have the means much less the ambition. Twas a different time in America My father is almost 100 years of age now and it is the year 2007 today. Supposedly, he was born in the year 1914 but no one really knows for sure. According to my Aunt Thelma He was born in 1911 which would make him 96 years of age today. His birthday is the day before mine, Oct 8th and mines is October 7th. He always called my his birthday present. Every since I had traveled through the eye of the needle the Lord even showed me the significance of our birthday pattern the numbers therein.
It all happened in the latter season when I lost the house to the foreclosure and the entire experience. It took a period of 9 months in total to shed that skin, the house in the physical realm but super naturally speaking that was like shedding old skin, a complete and total metamorph transpired in my surrendering and that is when I came into the full understanding of the knowledge of the truth. Hence my purpose was defined and discovery of my inheritance and legal birth right. It was then that God showed me the meaning of numbers. Number seven means the completion of something and number eight means the beginning. So when I was enlightened to this degree and matching up the number our birthdates it all became crystal clear I'll never forget that day.
It was like he opened my eyes to this and almost immediatey I broke down fell to my knees in the back of my house in the back bed room and was so ....how do you say in awe and humbled. Trembling, I could'nt believe it for a minute I was like, "Me Lord ......me?"
Tears fell. I wept. I couldn't believe it to say the least I knew the Spirit of the Lord was right there. I had channeled the Christ and He was choosing me rather revealing to me that He has chose me. According to the scripture, I had been chosen for some time even from the foundations of the world when the gifts and callings were first given out he has set me apart for the work of the minstry to be a vessel of honor unto Him. I was at such a weak point in my life pitiful and gastly as I looked, an utter gazing stock. I was preparing to enter the needle at that time having not exactly traveled through it but like on the edge. Then it all dawned on me how he confirmed that he knew me before I was placed in my mother's womb even and then the natural circumstances as horrific as my history is profile wise how my father had me the order I was born in and my mother. The satanic attack that was launched against my entire family to keep me from being born. I was the seventh child and her last. There is that number again. 7.
God this is so deep it even makes to me to think about my sister that was born before me she would be the sixth child born to my father and mothers tormented union. God, I don't even know or maybe at this point i'm just speculating but nahh it can't be the Lord's perfect will that our relationship is so... non-existent. Our scibling rivalry was conditioned to be the way it is because perhaps daddy knew all along that I was the one to recieve the promise of the family ministry or at least had some inclination. This is a very delicate subject because no I don't mean to sound like I know everything. To say that the family ministry is all mine like the precious in the Lord of the Rings.
Remember that decrepid creature and how he was always after that ring? Through out the entire presentation he was like always trying to get his hands on the ring. The ring in a sense represented the symbol of all power. Admittedly that is what I believed I looked like after the fact of having traveled though the eye of the needle, a journey worthy of it's own sequel. As I said before the spirit of the Lord revealed to me that i had become unto a gazing stock and that is why he protected me kept me hidden from my family for the time being here in this wildreness. aplace known as the land of the Jacksons. The things I learned and saw in this realm dimension rather.
I get the opening scene to the Matrix. In the very first flick part one when Keanu Reeves chose the red tablet versus the blue one or was it the blue one? Regardless you get my point, I chose one of those tablets the color is unimportant but what happened to me after the fact is what is important. I went thorugh this entire born again experience which was completley violent Just like when a baby is born. It' like all that time i was in the womb of god and God and I ad yet tobe birthed. He carried me for eons in His bosum. I had to go through what I had to go through. I know we all have the power of choice but for some reason even if I chose alternate paths, routes that is, it really didn't matter if I already was chosen, preconcieved and destined to be conformed into the very image of the son of God, Jesus Christ.
This here thing is going to take some time to completely flesh out if it's going to make any sense at all. I have to pace myself in this explanation if it is going to be of any use for the soul purpose of being a witness for the Kingdom of Heaven if anyone is to recieve it and understand.
Now perhaps you can see and understand just a little bit about me. This morning right on the edge of the dawn, the Lord spoke down inside of me saying redeem the time. Redeem the time for the days are increasingly evil. I had to make haste to redeem what little time I had before the sun crept over the the horizon. He's training me up to be warrior for him and my heart fells me. For I am so weak my only solice is that in my weakness His strength is made perfect. The Lord, The Most High God I prayed aloud in my prayer closet like a Muslim. Yet, I am not. Yet, I completely get it. I get it how the Apostle Paul conducted himself, how he felt as a prisoner even. A prisoner in Christ. I completely get it. Once you come to know him, once you have touched the hem of His garment. Once you have entered into the fellowship of His suffering. Then truthfully there is no going back from there. You only have it to go through this valley I find myself in the valley of the shadow of death.
Yea, it is all true. Every word of the Bible is completley factual literal or symbolic it could not have been recorded if it was not actual. The Lord did speak to all those men and women, prophets of old like Moses and Samuel. David was the greatest King to ever rule over Israel. The and the Levites are those men and women of God who God chose to watch after the tabernacle of God. To keep watch over the holies of holies in this earthly realm and He appointed certain individuals.
You know what, he did design us with free will but at the same time He couldn't resist planting some seeds it would seem of pure servitude in us . I mean yes, He did give us free wil.l The Word of God does say this. But he also placed in us His Word that he quotes in scripture through the prophet Isaiah that His word will not return to Him void. Pause
Action taken. Pause. I stop to get the passage of the scripture and on my way my eyes fall upon the Isaiah 42 I follow it's direction. It is a passage regarding the Lord expressing the Servant of the Lord. I am awe struck and made to be still.
That is what I am talking about, I'm completely enraptured at times. the Word of the Lord for me is a real high it transfixes me because I know it's true. It is the unadulterated truth and it is alive. In that and what I was wanted to say about the Lord's Word not returning to Him void.
Isaiah 55:10 "For as the rain comes down, and the snow from Heaven, and do not return there, but water the Earth, And make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from my mouth; It shall not return to me void. But it shall accomplish which I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."
Case and point as I was saying we do have free will but God 's word is all encompassing. Once you been exposed to it, your are somehow changed never the same. And well, like I said from the beginning I've been caught up, enraptured from a very young age. It only makes sense now and I suppose I'm in a state of acceptance. Almost like I kind of have to be else everything I'm expressing would be contradictory and would be in vain and make no sense. But as I said in the beginning I am thankful. Truthfully no longer in a state of why, or denial. I have to go through with it. Not like Christ is not worthy. and if you have come this far already seeing what the heck goes through the mind of an aspiring ministress. I thank you for putting up with my neurotic manner. I don't mean any harm. It's just I guess what I go through having to penetrate the heavens on a daily basis to stay steadfast. Pursuing god's Kingdom and all of His righteousness is no easy task. This is just the surface really I haven't even said anything yet. This is just the start of things. After all I was just born again like yesterday.
Note: This is about what goes on inside the mind of an aspiring ministress as reported up close and personall by the one who is aspiring. Thus, I am admonished to be tempered. I am encouraged to be strong. Strengthened only the grace of God. I have to stay in a complete state of submission, obedient and committed to the birthing of this, His testimony I call it. After all, He died for me. In return, now, I die daily in relationship to Him. To be a servant of Christ. I totally get how it is to be a living sacrifice. Even still, in expressing it I have to make my moderation known unto men, exuding the fruits of the Spirit bearing the full armor of God clinging to Christ for dear life less I faint. I have to be a good steward of the vision He showed me. A complete and total gift. In that, I have to keep Him first. Staying completely at His feet. After all that is my assignment and the name of my ministry that I have to make full proof of. (Can I Wash Ur Feet Please? Just when you think your the only one) And I have to do all of this like a ballerina, gracefully. Steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the works of the Lord. (If your going to be used for His purposes so yokes get broke and burdens lifted) And all the day long I go with a smile on my face, "as sheep led to their slaughter."
Talk about pressure. This thing here sure the heck is interesting.
TBC (Lord be willing)
Yea, and isn't it the truth?
Despite how and what I'm feeling I have to be getting on with this ministry thing if I am ever going to prove that which is the perfect and acceptable will of God for my life. I am always in constant thought about the how. I don't know... probably has to do with all that researching the literary community and reasoning amongst myself... conversations I had in my own mind. All the cliff notes of advice in my Writer's Digest and what not. Thank God my salvation is not dependant upon the critics validation of me.
I've concluded that stuff only adds to my mounting anxities which if I have any at all and I know I do that I am already in complete violation of the word of God. In that, as a very good friend used to say to me, anxities are a gate way to worry and stagnation and ultimately discouragement which can become like a form of bondage no less a heavy wieght like a yoke. While your plotting and scheming leaning upon your own understanding of how you are going to make a way out of no way, time is a wasting. That said, anyone that prays as much as I do should have enough power and authority through Christ to cast any and all vain imaginings down to hell where they originate from in the first place. I should know better than to put my confidence in man and forget about pleasing this world. Cursed sin nature will have you in a selfish way if you are not careful to decern it by way of the Holy Spirit. After all, I have to keep reminding myself, it's not really about me more than it is about the message I have to share.
I have enough inspiration right before my very eyes with all the journaling I've been doing since and even before I knew I was called. Hence, it is journey. (Inspiration leads to encouragement and encouragement leads to motivation and motivation leads to action.) So much it can be unnerving to say the least in trying to piece it all together. Honestly, it's like a huge jigsaw puzzle. But my God I have to try else every word He ever channeled through my being is in vain and I refuse to be cut off and cast into the fire for not producing good fruit that shall remain. I refuse to be the chaf left on the His threshing floor. I simply refuse. I can't be as the five foolish virgins. That is a fate I desire no less than a hole in my head if you get my drift. Yes, I am a tormented soul. His truth is like fire shut up in my bones. It has set me apart from the rest. And according to the word of God I suppose that makes me amongst the Elect. And that is great news in itself but the territory that comes with it is heavily charged with spiritual warfare. I feel like a woman in her third trimester and those gastly Braxton Hicks contractions are taking their toll. They are thunderous. I may just birth this baby right here and now or at least make a good attempt but even in that something tells me that this is not going to be just one setting.
Grammatically correct or not of the many scribbled sayings, affirmations, quotes of scriptures, ideas and concepts of visionary proportion. Jesus, sometime I would simply like to write a one liner and be done with it but this is not a post card. Reagrdless, even if it were it never comes out that way. I'm that person that always has to etch out a space for the darn stamp. My God, all the times I'm come forth for alter call and had the pastors and the elders lay hands on me I believe and it is quite evident that I got the impartation alright. I think it's safe to say he stirred up the gifts.
I could start off with many entry points like Psalm 91, the entire chapter really how the word of God perpetually evolves right before my eyes and how this very passage ignited by faith lead me to experience my very own personal exodus. However the Word of God is not intended to be digested all at once. True to it's form it's devout, straight and uncut which makes it a volitale substance in itself. Like the scripture of verse goes, you can't put new wine in old wine skins.( & how) In that, how the Lord rescued me from the snare of the fowler as recently as last week even i.e. something about a buy here pay here car lot that ended up being a front for a den of theives. Talk about Ali Baba and the 40 thieves . If I said it once, I said it a thousand times. Yes, this is the wilderness of my lifetime. Thankfully though, it is just a necessary evil for there is much evil that surrounds me all of us for that matter. Snares and traps and spiritual land mines that we all have to stear clear of much less endure for the sake of reaching our promised land; Believers in Christ Jesus that is.
Right after my coming out of the eye of the needle. I didn't know it back then how much it had effected me. I still had all my hair and knew how to wear a mean power suit and strut in some mean power heels. To the average on-looker, I still was a looker. I cleaned up pretty good. Nevertheless, I had yet to recognize my limp and come to the realization that I was broken. In my mind I was like, okay, that is over with speaking in the natural referring to the foreclosure. As horrific and terrifying as it was, I still made a conscience effort to maintain both my sanity and my composure. Obliviant and/or in complete denial maybe a mixture of both about my invisibility.
The only thing that spurred me forth in that season was the vision God gave me, "Can I Wash Ur Feet Please." It haunted me. The very image and saying. How it came about is an entire other facet to the story. Try two years of straight Bible Study every Wednesday night without failure. The things I learned about the Jesus Christ and the workings of the word of God. It really is alive and it gets into you starts to rearrange you your thinking patterns get all shifted and you just don't think the way you used to any more. And if you are truly going to believe it and do embrace it. Well... that's the stuff being born again is all about.
The Lord kept sending minstering spirits all around me, in my sleep and in my being awake I was completely consumed, obsessed and wrapped up in this vision of complete serivtude, restoration, fantasies of heroism and total submission. Surrender was my portion in that season. He kept giving me the beginning and the ending. Just enough to keep my spirits high and my interest peaked. I stayed in a steady stream of prayer always talking about the goodness of the Lord and what He was showing me. I had no shame. But I had yet to recognize my limp. Of course again i'm talking about after the needle and wrestling with that angel all night. Of course my night was like two years long. I'll elaborate as I go along with it. Back then as I was saying I had no idea on how much I was affected. And thought okay let's get on with it and just started out simply writing everything down. Not really understanding the depth of worship that I had entered into. How when we literally pray the word of God essentially what we are doing is making a declaration and releasing it into the universe and speaking it forth in Jesus name. Well.. that coupled with faith gives it the power to perform that which your heart desires. And even in that, there is somehting more the dynamics of what goes pn in your heart what He starts to deal with you in rectifying your issue of life the reason why you prayed to Him in the fisrt place.
There is a scripture found in the new Testament of our Holy Bible recorded in the book of John and it goes like this, " In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." And what I am aiming at here is trying to explain that when we pray to the Lord and pray in His language which is His word then those things which we utter automatically have power in resonance with the universe because the Universe knows the voice and commands of the One who created it. this is why we say to god be all the Glory.
Then there is the faith factor. The key to believing all these things that you pray and his Word. Faith is the very key to the ignition of the word of God and it's echoing though the universe.
There is another passage of scripture found in the Old Testament of the HOLY BIBLE recorded by divine inspiration of the Prophet Isaiah that says, "So shall My Word be that goes forth from my mouth; It shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11.
(The contents of these scriptures are profound and most relevant for today and these end times. Because we are living in the age of the dawning of the Aquarious where man kind is worshipping the creation and not the Creator Himself who created all of existence. Any and everything that there ever was and shall be. There is popular new age literature being distributed through out the world decieving people into believing that they are the standard, that they can call things into being and tell the elements to be still in their own strength and that they are righteous without aide of a savior.)
( There is an old spiritual hymn that says there is power in the blood of Jesus and how there really is power in the blood of Jesus. Okay right around here this thing is getting to be very heavy spiritual wise. Just writing this much I am overwhelmed completely enraptured in this understanding that is peaking in my being. Jesus Christ he is real and alive and lives in the hearts of man but only if we let him in. Should we do so it is the only way that the Lord's Will shall and will be done carried out to completion on this Earth.)
Heart Notes: Not to be dramatic but it is kind of hard not to when you have touched the hymm of his garment. Any how, things in the ( ) are impromtu thoughts of understanding that spill forth in the composition and revision of this testimony.
How I had to respect the process of what it is to record a testimony. And I guess that is why it has taken this long to calm down and truly embrace what I'm talking about. The words I say are so heavy. Explains why everything is happening the way they are happening. You would think I would learn to keep my big mouth shut and perhaps I would experience less attacks. But then that would mean that I would have to live in a state of fear and that would be ungodly and only lead to fretting more evil as the Word of God does say as well. My God, I'm endeavoring to be a literal conduit of God's mercy. That is where I see myself in all of this and pursuing my purpose being fulfilled. Which is in itself an entire other subject.
Trying to stay focused, at least for me I get this feeling of intimidation feeling in ept not worthy to carry such a seal. I'm not just starting any old thing and not to make light of any one else's vision. Not like mine is better than all the rest but hey, I'm an aspiring minstress already calling myself about to construct a house of praise to the Most High God of Heaven. Of the Universe even and it's got me scared stiff. Talk about fear and trembling.
I feel like Elijah when called himself hiding from the Lord the spirit of the Lord had to search Him out. it's just that there is so much to do that to just think about it all can be over whelming. But how can I say love Hime and not be obedient to His beckoning? Especially after all he has done for me. So much I can not tell it all. Whole thing makes me think of my father and the calling that was placed on His life. Now it has come to my discovery that... pause...see...(tears stream) God help me. This is not easy. It's so hard... these steps that are ordered of me make me have such respect and reverence for Christ. It's like this having entered into this realm...the fellowship of His suffering...it is how do words express when one attempts to put on the whole mind of Christ to endeavor to enter into the Holies of Holies with a mind set to literally bring Heaven here on Earth? Every time I begin to do this any thing for the minstry the things that have to be done adminstrative wise, the mere registration of this here very thing. It just like the scripture says, except I abide in Him and he abide in me I can do nothing." this is a very real and profound truth in persuing the things of God intentionally.
I watch TBN all day long I can be laying there in my bed and turn the tv on.The first thing I think when I open my eyes is Jesus. Laid out in a larthargic like state my body completely without any kind of oomph you know like getty up. My mind it feels at times completely wiped. It's like this wildreness. I have discovered dwelling here in this dessert place the very place God brought to dry out if you will from Egypt to purge me of the vampirical tendencies and thirst for blood. How I used to be, a fledgling vampire only I was a half breed not like Blade in the movies. That is straight fiction because what I came to understand that in the literal sense that all vampire can walk by day. It is the light of the truth that they can't bear. It's all symbolic-
I was a half breed as to say already affected by the Word Of God. The seeds of the truth had been planted in me from a very young age.Even the crib I believe. My atmosphere being very heavily saturated laced with the Word of God. My father being an old school pentacostal Preacher man from the mid-west. And if any one ever knew who my father was in His hey day they would tell you this man was on fire for God. He gave his entire life to the Lord when he was very young only seventeen years of age. and that is not to say that He couldn't do anything else. He actually was studying to become a journalist and was attending the prestigious Howard University back in the day when black young people normally didn't have the means much less the ambition. Twas a different time in America My father is almost 100 years of age now and it is the year 2007 today. Supposedly, he was born in the year 1914 but no one really knows for sure. According to my Aunt Thelma He was born in 1911 which would make him 96 years of age today. His birthday is the day before mine, Oct 8th and mines is October 7th. He always called my his birthday present. Every since I had traveled through the eye of the needle the Lord even showed me the significance of our birthday pattern the numbers therein.
It all happened in the latter season when I lost the house to the foreclosure and the entire experience. It took a period of 9 months in total to shed that skin, the house in the physical realm but super naturally speaking that was like shedding old skin, a complete and total metamorph transpired in my surrendering and that is when I came into the full understanding of the knowledge of the truth. Hence my purpose was defined and discovery of my inheritance and legal birth right. It was then that God showed me the meaning of numbers. Number seven means the completion of something and number eight means the beginning. So when I was enlightened to this degree and matching up the number our birthdates it all became crystal clear I'll never forget that day.
It was like he opened my eyes to this and almost immediatey I broke down fell to my knees in the back of my house in the back bed room and was so ....how do you say in awe and humbled. Trembling, I could'nt believe it for a minute I was like, "Me Lord ......me?"
Tears fell. I wept. I couldn't believe it to say the least I knew the Spirit of the Lord was right there. I had channeled the Christ and He was choosing me rather revealing to me that He has chose me. According to the scripture, I had been chosen for some time even from the foundations of the world when the gifts and callings were first given out he has set me apart for the work of the minstry to be a vessel of honor unto Him. I was at such a weak point in my life pitiful and gastly as I looked, an utter gazing stock. I was preparing to enter the needle at that time having not exactly traveled through it but like on the edge. Then it all dawned on me how he confirmed that he knew me before I was placed in my mother's womb even and then the natural circumstances as horrific as my history is profile wise how my father had me the order I was born in and my mother. The satanic attack that was launched against my entire family to keep me from being born. I was the seventh child and her last. There is that number again. 7.
God this is so deep it even makes to me to think about my sister that was born before me she would be the sixth child born to my father and mothers tormented union. God, I don't even know or maybe at this point i'm just speculating but nahh it can't be the Lord's perfect will that our relationship is so... non-existent. Our scibling rivalry was conditioned to be the way it is because perhaps daddy knew all along that I was the one to recieve the promise of the family ministry or at least had some inclination. This is a very delicate subject because no I don't mean to sound like I know everything. To say that the family ministry is all mine like the precious in the Lord of the Rings.
Remember that decrepid creature and how he was always after that ring? Through out the entire presentation he was like always trying to get his hands on the ring. The ring in a sense represented the symbol of all power. Admittedly that is what I believed I looked like after the fact of having traveled though the eye of the needle, a journey worthy of it's own sequel. As I said before the spirit of the Lord revealed to me that i had become unto a gazing stock and that is why he protected me kept me hidden from my family for the time being here in this wildreness. aplace known as the land of the Jacksons. The things I learned and saw in this realm dimension rather.
I get the opening scene to the Matrix. In the very first flick part one when Keanu Reeves chose the red tablet versus the blue one or was it the blue one? Regardless you get my point, I chose one of those tablets the color is unimportant but what happened to me after the fact is what is important. I went thorugh this entire born again experience which was completley violent Just like when a baby is born. It' like all that time i was in the womb of god and God and I ad yet tobe birthed. He carried me for eons in His bosum. I had to go through what I had to go through. I know we all have the power of choice but for some reason even if I chose alternate paths, routes that is, it really didn't matter if I already was chosen, preconcieved and destined to be conformed into the very image of the son of God, Jesus Christ.
This here thing is going to take some time to completely flesh out if it's going to make any sense at all. I have to pace myself in this explanation if it is going to be of any use for the soul purpose of being a witness for the Kingdom of Heaven if anyone is to recieve it and understand.
Now perhaps you can see and understand just a little bit about me. This morning right on the edge of the dawn, the Lord spoke down inside of me saying redeem the time. Redeem the time for the days are increasingly evil. I had to make haste to redeem what little time I had before the sun crept over the the horizon. He's training me up to be warrior for him and my heart fells me. For I am so weak my only solice is that in my weakness His strength is made perfect. The Lord, The Most High God I prayed aloud in my prayer closet like a Muslim. Yet, I am not. Yet, I completely get it. I get it how the Apostle Paul conducted himself, how he felt as a prisoner even. A prisoner in Christ. I completely get it. Once you come to know him, once you have touched the hem of His garment. Once you have entered into the fellowship of His suffering. Then truthfully there is no going back from there. You only have it to go through this valley I find myself in the valley of the shadow of death.
Yea, it is all true. Every word of the Bible is completley factual literal or symbolic it could not have been recorded if it was not actual. The Lord did speak to all those men and women, prophets of old like Moses and Samuel. David was the greatest King to ever rule over Israel. The and the Levites are those men and women of God who God chose to watch after the tabernacle of God. To keep watch over the holies of holies in this earthly realm and He appointed certain individuals.
You know what, he did design us with free will but at the same time He couldn't resist planting some seeds it would seem of pure servitude in us . I mean yes, He did give us free wil.l The Word of God does say this. But he also placed in us His Word that he quotes in scripture through the prophet Isaiah that His word will not return to Him void. Pause
Action taken. Pause. I stop to get the passage of the scripture and on my way my eyes fall upon the Isaiah 42 I follow it's direction. It is a passage regarding the Lord expressing the Servant of the Lord. I am awe struck and made to be still.
That is what I am talking about, I'm completely enraptured at times. the Word of the Lord for me is a real high it transfixes me because I know it's true. It is the unadulterated truth and it is alive. In that and what I was wanted to say about the Lord's Word not returning to Him void.
Isaiah 55:10 "For as the rain comes down, and the snow from Heaven, and do not return there, but water the Earth, And make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, So shall My word be that goes forth from my mouth; It shall not return to me void. But it shall accomplish which I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."
Case and point as I was saying we do have free will but God 's word is all encompassing. Once you been exposed to it, your are somehow changed never the same. And well, like I said from the beginning I've been caught up, enraptured from a very young age. It only makes sense now and I suppose I'm in a state of acceptance. Almost like I kind of have to be else everything I'm expressing would be contradictory and would be in vain and make no sense. But as I said in the beginning I am thankful. Truthfully no longer in a state of why, or denial. I have to go through with it. Not like Christ is not worthy. and if you have come this far already seeing what the heck goes through the mind of an aspiring ministress. I thank you for putting up with my neurotic manner. I don't mean any harm. It's just I guess what I go through having to penetrate the heavens on a daily basis to stay steadfast. Pursuing god's Kingdom and all of His righteousness is no easy task. This is just the surface really I haven't even said anything yet. This is just the start of things. After all I was just born again like yesterday.
Note: This is about what goes on inside the mind of an aspiring ministress as reported up close and personall by the one who is aspiring. Thus, I am admonished to be tempered. I am encouraged to be strong. Strengthened only the grace of God. I have to stay in a complete state of submission, obedient and committed to the birthing of this, His testimony I call it. After all, He died for me. In return, now, I die daily in relationship to Him. To be a servant of Christ. I totally get how it is to be a living sacrifice. Even still, in expressing it I have to make my moderation known unto men, exuding the fruits of the Spirit bearing the full armor of God clinging to Christ for dear life less I faint. I have to be a good steward of the vision He showed me. A complete and total gift. In that, I have to keep Him first. Staying completely at His feet. After all that is my assignment and the name of my ministry that I have to make full proof of. (Can I Wash Ur Feet Please? Just when you think your the only one) And I have to do all of this like a ballerina, gracefully. Steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the works of the Lord. (If your going to be used for His purposes so yokes get broke and burdens lifted) And all the day long I go with a smile on my face, "as sheep led to their slaughter."
Talk about pressure. This thing here sure the heck is interesting.
TBC (Lord be willing)
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